WASHINGTON, DC — So, I’m 25. Have been for a while now, but somehow I can’t quite feel my age. I’ve always felt older than my age and have been desperate to prove I’m an adult forever. But now I don’t feel like an adult despite being able to hit the checklist of “job”, “place to live that I pay for” and “don’t have to bum rides from people to get around.” Plus, I buy my own groceries and feed myself pretty regularly. That’s adult-like.
Then, yesterday, someone ran into me — an adult ran into me — and said, “Oh, excuse me ma’am.” That echoed in my head long after he’d gone. Ma’am. Ma’am. Ma’am!?
Having been raised in Minnesota where we’re inexcusably rude (ha!), “ma’am” is not a something I’m used to hearing outside of the occasional sarcastic salutes. But D.C. isn’t exactly the South (and my SO has words for anyone who thinks it is) so I couldn’t pass it off as a regionalism either.
This is part of a trend with which I’m not entirely comfortable, actually. The other day a kid ran into me on the bus and his mom ordered him to apologize to “that lady.” I’m getting carded less, which I find worrisome. Plus, I’m having trouble referring generically to my co-workers in conversations with my friends. At what point does “this girl from work” become “this woman from work”? Men, of course, can just be “guys,” but no one really uses the counterpart, gals. Or, you know, dolls. You just can’t without sounding like a 60′s movie.
I used to equate the switch with someone being married but that’s a really awful indicator and I know it. Plus, some of my classmates and close friends are married now so…that puts me back in the same predicament.
I’d totally be fine with people calling me “this girl I know from work,” or choir or whatever, but I don’t know if others my age would find that condescending. (I certainly find it much less condescending than “young lady” or “young woman” as in, “You’ve grown into such a nice” whatever.) But I think I’ll have to readjust my self-identity on that front, if only because I’d hate to insult good, professional people my age just because I still feel a bit like I’m playing dress-up every time I scan my security badge.
In general, I hate letting people know my age, since I worry it will belie how much I value my work. I guess I just have to start thinking of myself as an adult.
As a sidenote, I also hate making people feel old. I’ve had a version of this conversation too many times to count:
—
Person making small talk: “Where were you on 9/11?”
Me: “Oh, I was in sophomore biology class.”
PMST: “You took biology in college? I thought you were a history major.”
Me: “…”
PMST: “Oh man. High school biology? I’m so old.”
*crickets*
Me, earnest but unconvincing: “No you’re not…”
FIN
—
Then again, on a recent trip my cousin — who was, quite recently actually, a sophomore in college — said that she felt old because she was flipping channels and saw a kids’ show explaining to its young audience that tape decks were what people had in their cards before CD players.
Yowch.
-30-
June 19, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Hrm… I’ve also thought about this more than seems reasonable. Unlike you, however, I started feeling like an adult quite some time ago… and I usually actually like it, although there are certainly moments where that isn’t the case.
Where do I place the blame for this travesty/boon? My students. (Please note: the tone of voice in my head very heavily implied ‘those little bastards!’)
June 24, 2011 at 9:19 am
I feel like this all the time. My exact phrase to describe this is, ‘I feel like a little girl wearing my mom’s heels’. I love being an adult – owning a home, holding down a ‘real’ job, paying bills, etc., but at age 25, I still feel like I’m 18. I also now view ‘old people’ (i.e. those that are 35 and 40) as being ‘my age’ or ‘really young’.
Also, when I say ‘next year’, I mean September, as in next school year.
Yikes!